'THIS IS A PANDEMIC NOT A f****ing writers Retreat'- Ellie Taylor

Lets talk about Toxic Productivity.

What on earth is it?

To be completely honest with you I just googled it. I know what it means for me in my life but I was not certain of the definition in broader terms. Trusty google gave me this.

'Toxic Productivity refers to an unhealthy and extreme obsession with productivity. This is never ending or never enough. It stems from a culture which praises and rewards productivity, this can be a very good thing but it does not tell us when to draw the line.'

This is something I want to talk about because I feel like it is something I am constantly fighting with my brain over. This idea that we have to be productive all of the time and that if we aren't we are failures.

When you write it down it sounds ridiculous.

I think the notion of toxic productivity might have been born out of a misinterpretation of the idea that we need to make the most out of every day because life is short. Carpe Diem. Somewhere along the line it shifted to you have to do the most everyday.

The Coronavirus Lockdown has magnified this issue for me, and possibly many others. Being forced to stay at home has meant that inherently busy people have found themselves with a surplus of free time. Whether they have been furloughed or just gained two hours from lack of commute like me.

At the beginning of the Lockdown it felt like everyone on Instagram was competing with each other to post what delightfully wholesome things they were up to while stuck at home.

Be that, baking banana bread, I think I was the only one who didn't, not for lack of trying but after toilet roll it seemed like baking ingredients were in short supply.

Or spring cleaning, DIY or coming out of Lockdown 3 stone lighter with a six pack.

Everyone was trying to make the most of their time off. Or that's what it looked like.

Congratulations to those people who learned a new skill, renovated their house or became a serial 5k runner. I am jealous of your will power and commitment,

But to those who have not 'achieved' anything during Lockdown, please do not feel like a failure. If all you have done in this time is keep your head above water Congratulations 'Just Keep Swimming'.

If you haven't managed to keep you head above water and you have struggled every day to drag yourself out of bed, please do not feel like a failure. You are human. Congratulations you made it through another day.

Life is like riding a bicycle, to keep your balance, you must keep moving. – Albert Einstein

Early on in all of this madness I was mindlessly scrolling through Instagram as I do. I was watching comedian Ellie Taylor's stories and she posted something that stuck with me ever since.

'This is a pandemic not a fucking writer's retreat!' - Ellie Taylor

Obviously, this resonated with me because the thing I love to do is write. Usually, the reason I don't write is because I don't have time or more often, that I don't have the energy. Now that I am working from home and I don't have the hour commute of a morning and again in the evening I thought, this is when I will get a tonne of writing done I will be chucking out content left right and centre.

You may have already guessed that this did not happen.

I have been lucky enough to keep my job during this time and I have been working from home throughout. Initially, I thought I would have so much more energy, because instead of getting up between 6:00 am and 7:00 am I could quite easily get up at 8:30 am make myself a coffee and be ready to go for my 9:00 am start.

However, working from home was a lot harder than I anticipated, I was used to being surrounded by people in a busy office environment with plenty of personalities. All of a sudden, I was at home staring at my laptop screen with my thoughts for company willing myself to have a productive day.

I battle with toxic productivity in my work life too. I have joined a team of incredibly hard workers who sometimes do not know how to switch out of work mode.

There is always work to do, which in the context of the pandemic and the economic uncertainty, this was positive because it meant that all of us still had a job. But when there is always work to I find myself feeling as though I can never do enough.

I would have days where I would not want to get out of bed because I knew how long my to do list was and I knew that by the end of the day I would have only scratched the surface. The best work days I have are the days I do not dwell on things too much and just take it one task at a time.

It is really hard, especially when isolated to focus on yourself. You start to think...

'Well if whatshername can go for a run in the morning, build some IKEA furniture and still do 5 hours of work. Why is it that I struggle to get through the day without swearing under my breath at the neighbour's kids for playing too loudly below my window? ... And did I forget to brush my hair again?'

If I have said it once I have said it a million times:

'Comparison is the thief of joy.'

I can't even take credit for that one I stole it from Karamo Brown from Queer Eye. But it is perfect. It reminds me that when I compare myself to others I am doing myself a disservice.

Productivity does not equate to worth.

We do not exist solely to pay bills and consume (despite what they want you to think).

While I do enjoy the sense of achievement after a productive day, productivity should not be to the detriment of our mental health or our time spent with family or enjoyment of the little things in life.

Be kind to yourself.

Enjoy the smell of coffee in the morning.

Go out and watch the sunset one night.

Indulge in your favourite TV show

Make the most of that fresh bedding feeling.

Sing your favourite song at the top of your lungs.

Take a moment to slow down embrace the little pleasures and find something that makes you smile.

And remember YOU ARE ENOUGH!